it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
