I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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