her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
