Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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