New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
