YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
