The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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