The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
operation have a gay friend backfired
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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