Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
babies were throwing up all over the place
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
