The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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