i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
