Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
