Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im holly from the hills drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
