yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
