Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
