So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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