The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cannot find my penis.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
