I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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