I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
