her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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