Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
