I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
