Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
