another moral hangover. fuck.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
