I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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