That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
