So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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