what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
