You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sext me about skeletons
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
