just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
