I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
