We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
