Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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