whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
