Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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