A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
