I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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