and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
