I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
