I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
