i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
