I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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