Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
