If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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