This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
