i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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