He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
