I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
