i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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