after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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