This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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