Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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