ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
