I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize