I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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