either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
As shirtless as possible
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
