he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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