you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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