i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
