I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
