Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
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Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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