I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
