the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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