He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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